Coffee & Cigarettes

I'm drinking a cup of coffee right now. Not too exciting, right? But here's my idea that is so wrong it just might be right: U.S. Big Business is trying to make coffee the new cigarette, and it's totally working.

The thing is, I don't know if I really need or want this cup of coffee. But I'm used to having one in the morning - it helps me wake up and also just adds something sweet to the morning office routine. On the weekends, I rarely make myself coffee, and even at work where it is free for the taking, I only have one cup. I like the taste of coffee, but not all of the time. Point being, why do I always drink it? Anyone who has been to my office knows that it's certainly not to impress anyone or to appear older or more professional in any way. Such habits are not given much credit here in the holler.

Coffee addictions are similar to cigarette addictions in many ways: you need one to start your day or don't function well until you have one; it's comforting and relaxing; the smell of others partaking makes you want one; the caffeine is addicting but not so bad that your family's signing you up for rehab; drinking it keeps you up with your peers, and going to get one gives you a great excuse for a work break. Coffee breaks tend to be the same length as cigarette breaks and give you a similar boost to get back to work.

Hear me out: America wants us addicted to coffee. How else can BB get the $3-$4 a day previous generations spent carelessly on a pack of cigarettes every day besides to give us a new $4 a day addiction? We spend millions of dollars a year on this little luxury that most of us consider fairly harmless. You just wait... in 15 years our kids will watch old sitcoms and say, "I can't believe that mom is drinking coffee in front of her kids!" and "That guy is drinking coffee inside his car - gross!" They'll start making those MTV "Truth" commercials about Starbucks instead of Philip Morris, and the next thing you know there will be a coffee-drinking section at your favorite breakfast diner. Think there's no comparison in the coffee world for second-hand smoke? Obviously you have never had a skeezy boss breathing over you with coffee breath (I can safely say that on here since my boss doesn't even drink coffee).

Thoughts? Go discuss it around your water cooler... or coffee carafe.