Facebook Fetus

Just when I thought Facebook couldn't get creepier (although, yes, as a natural-born-stalker I am admittedly and unquestionably addicted to it), today the line was crossed by leaps and bounds. I just saw a FB page for a fetus. Not kidding! I'm not talking about one of my friends' pages *mentioning* an upcoming birth or posting a picture of a sonogram to announce that they are expecting, because that is pretty much an every day occurrence for a 29 year old on FB (and always exciting to see!). I'm talking about the fetus itself having a FB page. How it is doing these updates is beyond me. But I guess the parents are glad to see it speaks English, because otherwise wouldn't that just be awkward?

Anyway, like not being able to turn away from the sight of a car accident, I clicked on its profile photos. Sure enough, it was a sonogram picture. Ok, not that bad, right? How about this: next to the sonogram was a detailed textbook picture of female anatomy with where the fetus is currently positioned. As in, literally scanned from a textbook. All parts labeled. Again, not kidding. Last but not least, let me answer what I'm sure you are wondering: what is this technologically savvy fetus thinking? Have no fear... it makes frequent status updates. You know how some parents speak for their babies before they can talk, and it gets kind of creepy sometimes? Like the baby screws up its face and the mom says in a squeaky little baby voice, "Aw, I'm trying to squeeze out a big poopie because mommy ate Mexican food for dinner, yes she did!" and everyone around is like, "Awww" when really all the non-parents are thinking, "Does she know she is saying "poopie" out loud in a baby voice?" The fetus status updates are kind of like that, but in black and white and taking up valuable bandwidth.

I need to stop thinking about this; I'm going to have nightmares.

p.s. Dear friends who have kids: thank you for not making FB pages for your kids in-utero.